Loneliness

Loneliness and alone are two different things. I hate loneliness. I can be in a room full of people and feel lonely. It doesn't matter where I am, the loneliness sucks. It hurts and it's such a disconnected feeling. Disconnected from life, from people, from the love of my life and from everyday things. It can make my head feel fuzzy and make it hard to focus on a task. Loneliness makes me think about all the sad things. Loneliness and sad are the two feelings that I have no use for. I know that it's part of the process that I'm going through but it just hits so hard. I feel like that big truck hit me and moved on. What I'd give to move on and not have to deal with these emotions. Everyone says I'm a strong person but it's days like these that make me wonder what others see that make them think I am strong. I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving in a forward direction slowly. I'll get there someday.....where "there" is, I have no idea. It's all in that big picture that I want to see and can't. For now, the loneliness and sad can go away and stay away. I don't like either of you.