He should be home today

Lee should be coming home this afternoon from his work deployment but I know I won't be going to pick him up. So today, I deal with that. What I would give to pick him up, his eyes lighting up when he sees me, his great big smile and and that "I'm so glad to see you" hug. Instead, I will be bringing his ashes home next week. I am so lost and empty, sick feeling in my stomach and it's so hard to eat. Definitely not a diet plan I would recommend to anyone. Anxiety runs through my body. Please God, give me the strength to put one foot in front of the other today.