Today sucks....

Eleven long days ago, I lost my best friend and husband to a tragic accident at work. That same day, April 4, was our 2nd anniversary. I can't begin to put words to the feelings that I have. I want to run away but I want to bury myself under the covers. I want to scream but I want to be quiet. I want to eat everything but the thought of it makes me sick. I'm mad at God. I prayed every night for Him to watch over Lee and I so we would have many happy years and then He takes Lee from me. I'm angry that everyone can go on about their lives but I feel stuck. I feel stuck like being caught in the circling water of the bathtub drain.....like I can't get out. Life will get better I know, but it will never, ever be ok. I recently had a conversation with Lee and told him that if anything ever happened to him, God needed to take me too because I couldn't imagine a life without him. Lee told me that I could be sad for a little while but that I would be fine. Lee, I miss you so much every minute of every day. I love you more than life itself. I still don't believe you're gone. I think you are just away on a work deployment. But when Saturday comes and you should be coming home, I don't know what I will do. And when I go back to work, I won't have my best friend and companion riding with me. You'll never know how many lives you touched as was evident at your memorial service. I'm trying my best to put one foot in front of the other. So many friends and family are helping me. I just want the pain gone and you to come home. I do love you!! Linda