Sometimes

I really wish someone would wake me up and tell me that the last 26 days have been a bad dream. I don't comprehend sometimes. Sometimes, I think he's just away on a deployment for work and sometimes I think that none of the last (almost) 3 years happened. Sometimes I get really angry...at the wind for contributing to his death, at God for cutting our fairy tale short, at Lee for not being here (even though I know it wasn't his choice), at people who can go on with their lives, at myself for whatever reason.....like why didn't I call him at just the right time to distract him from what he was doing.
All the time, it just doesn't seem right or fair. Nothing is fair and life isn't always right. But I must go on, that is...go on without the ultimate love of my life. A man who taught me all about love, who's love endured since 1975, a man who sacrificed so much to be here with me, a man who taught me about passion and then ultimately, reminded me how precious and short life really is.
I wanta scream, I wanta run, I wanta hide under the covers, I wanta be someone else, I don't want to hurt, I wanta love.